Friday, December 30, 2011

This is Taking too Long

I realize I will catch a lot of flack for this, but I'll say it anyway.  Pregnancy takes too long!! I am 19 weeks now and I think I could be ready for baby in another couple months not another 4 and a half.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

2011 Miracles in Review

Shortly after I graduated from college, I decided I should start acting like a full-fledged adult, complete with an adult job, adult furniture, and adult Christmas cards complete with a newsletter.  Friends would marvel how a young single girl could have enough goings on to merit two pages worth of info, but I at least thought they were mildly entertaining. 
For some reason, however, once I got married this very adult tradition ended.  Who knows when I'll rejoin the land of adult Christmas cards, but this year, maybe I'll at least get out a newsletter post. . . .

Merry Christmas one and all.  This year Matthew and I are coming to you from the great state of Pennsylvania, via Hawaii (for the holidays), to wish you holiday greetings and good cheer.  At the beginning of the year, while Matthew was trying to nail down a summer internship, we adopted the motto "We Believe in Miracles."  We pasted it on our bathroom mirror, I chanted it quietly to myself whenever life got a little too tense, and we tried our hardest to remember that miracles happen every day and they can surely happen for us.  While this year has included much stress and heartache, it has nonetheless proven a year of miracles.

Miracle 1.  Even though Matthew had seemingly endless amounts of first interviews (which I liked to think of as first dates), no one wanted to call him back for a second or third.  It was incredibly frustrating, both for him to muster up the motivation to search for another opportunity that could likely end up in another rejection, and for me to watch him go through that while trying to stop myself from calling each company and bawling them out for not realizing my husband was the greatest thing they had going for them.  It was a long school year, but after final exams had been graded, he got an offer from a company in Hawaii that would allow us to spend the summer with his family while he gained valuable experience.  This was definitely a miracle.  Especially considering the fact that all of the 5 Marler children would be in one place together for an entire summer, something that hadn't taken place since Matthew graduated from high school 12 years previous and will most likely never happen again.  Both of us worked like crazy, me from his parent's basement, and Matthew from the First Hawaiian Bank Tower.  While neither of us are crazy about the idea of living in either of our parent's basements ever again, it was a lovely summer, one that we will cherish forever.

Miracle 2. Ever since the spring of 2010, I have praying that if something needed to change in my body to prepare it for children, that those changes would become apparent. Shortly thereafter, I was diagnosed with extreme hypothyroidism.  I had stats that still mystify doctors and definitely seemed a strong deterrent from getting pregnant.  Around the same time I found out I have cysts on my ovaries.  My doctor at the time didn't know how serious these cysts were since all women have them and they can't really assess the true nature of the problem without surgery.  At the time, we a kept watch on them and hoped none of other ones decided to rupture.  At the beginning of the next year, another one did leading me to more ultrasounds.  Again, I prayed that if something needed to change in my body that it would be apparent to the doctors.  At these ultrasounds I found that not only did I have ovarian cysts but I also had a fibroid in my uterus, definitely something that would need to come out if I wanted children.  I opted for surgery on the fibroid and on an additional surgery that would investigate my ovaries. The initial surgery on my uterus was a complete success, the additional surgery, however, found that I have stage three (out of four) endometriosis on either ovary with nothing to be done to help them function properly.  But . . . I still had hope for getting pregnant if I wanted to try IVF (invitro fertilization).  This was a miracle in the sense that one, I finally, after 4 years, had concrete information as to why my womb did not want to open, two, that Matthew and I were finally willing to accept IVF as a means to starting our family, and three, that even as students we still had just enough money to pay for the treatment.

Miracle 3. IVF worked and on the first try!  Given my internal issues, and the fact that IVF only works 50% of the time, we were so excited, relieved, and otherwise extremely grateful that it only took one cycle to get pregnant.  What a miracle.

Miracle 4.  Matthew got a wonderful offer for a great company in Pennsylvania that we were very excited to accept.  My prayer for Matthew throughout law school and now through business school was for him to find a job he is excited about, can feel successful at, and pays enough to pay off student loans and maybe even buy a house someday.  This job meets any and all requirements, and while it's not in a glamorous location, I'm sure we will fall in love with the area anyway.  If we can fall in love with Wenatchee and State College, I'm sure Allentown will be a cinch.  What a miracle that it is seemingly the perfect job with a stable as a table company, and it fell into place without all the heartache of last year. 

We feel entirely blessed at this point in our lives and are excited to see what new challenges and adventure 2012 holds! 

Thank you for indulging me this very long post.  Here's to next year and adult Christmas cards!!

Friday, December 9, 2011

16 weeks

So it appears that I have successfully made it to 16 weeks.  Who knew.  Anyway, life is still happy, and I am starting to show, which is actually pretty fun.  Four weeks and we find out the sex of Wee Babe!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Official Pennsylvanians

Wahoo for School!!! Matthew has been offered and has accepted a job with a chemical manufacturing company in Allentown, PA.  Allentown is an hour north of Philadelphia and an hour and a half west of New York City. We are crazy excited on all sorts of levels!!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


Here is the quilt I made for my sister-in-law for Christmas.  Thankfully, I'm pretty sure she doesn't follow my blog.  We didn't find out we had her for Christmas until Thanksgiving and we're leaving shortly for Christmas in Hawaii, so I didn't have tons of time.  She is into pirates, so we ordered her some cool fabric and . . . I am pretty proud of how well it turned out in so short a time!

Friday, November 11, 2011

12 Weeks Along

Hello my dear friends, I am now 12 weeks along in my little pregnancy, not quite out of my first trimester, but definitely moving along nicely.  My wee babe is still very small, but I am starting to see signs of her/him affecting the way I look.  I can still fasten most of my pants, and wear most of my shirts, but those shirts I really should have gotten rid of long ago because they were too tight have now all gone the way of the world.  There is a slight pudgy look to my tummy, and as vain as this sounds, I am not quite ready to have other people noticing it yet.  Totally fine and a little excited to notice it myself, but not quite ready for the comments.  But at the same time, and this is just how neurotic I am, Matthew and I went maternity clothes shopping for my birthday and when I asked a worker where I could find my desired wear, she looked me up and down and pronounced that I wasn't quite ready for it.  She, of course, directed me to the section (which was dismally small and unremarkable), but I wasn't ready for her response either.  Maybe, it's just everyone's fascination with the comings and goings of my body, maybe this is what other pregnant women say about their body not being their body anymore. That's its now open for public discourse and touching.

Okay, that little moment went on a little longer than anticipated, but one last thought before I move on.  I also went birthday maternity clothes shopping with my mother last week when I went to visit them in VA (they've finally moved to the East Coast and are a 4 hour drive away).  We went into Motherhood Maternity where they have baby tummies in the dressing rooms to help women see what they might look like 3 months further down the road.  I have to say, putting on that little tummy under my clothes, was not necessarily distressing, but it was for sure strange and a little uncomfortable to look at.  I've had the same average body with average proportions for 32 years.  I have finally gotten comfortable with all the idiosyncrasies of it and now it will never be the same.  My body in 3 and 6 months will look considerably different and while I am excited to meet the wee babe growing inside me, I haven't quite come to terms for what this little one will mean for my waist size.  Awful I know, but leave it to me to have issues even after finally getting what I've always wanted.  And sadly enough, this is probably the least of my issues.

Well, obviously I needed to get out my issues with my body.  So I will just close by saying that I feel great.  A little tired, and seriously acne-fied, but I haven't been sick at all, a little queasy a couple times a week, but that's about it.  I have no food cravings or aversions, I pee only slightly more than I did before, and Matthew at least hasn't noticed any changes to my emotions (though "Annie" has become infinitely more touching to me now which I find odd).  Other than my pudgy tummy, my need to sleep a lot, and not recognizing my complexion, this baby really hasn't caused any real distress to my everyday life.  Good job baby!! May you continue to be this easy!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Mom and Pops Stockings

I recently made these absolutely adorable stockings (though I may be partial).  Matthew likes them but wanted ownership of one.  I'm not sure I had ownership of a stocking growing up, but apparently he did and still wants to be able to do.  It was kind of weird adding these new titles to ourselves/stockings but I think they still look pretty dang cute.

And yes, Matthew chose his new title.

Monday, October 24, 2011

My awkward moment with Hilary Weeks

I recently took a trip with 5 other women, some I knew well, others I didn't, to a weekend event in Rochester, NY called Time Out for Women.  It's a predominantly (as in 99%) LDS event, though definitely not exclusively so.  It was a lovely weekend, far better and more meaningful than I remotely anticipated, but that is not what I am writing about.  I am writing about my awkward moment with Hilary Weeks.

Hilary Weeks is a singer, songwriter who writes about her faith and the ups and downs of motherhood.  She's actually a very witty woman, and though I had never met her I felt an odd kinship with her.  I'm guessing many people do.  I bought a couple of her CD's and though I'm not of the star-struck variety, she was signing them so I thought I might as well stand in line and get mine signed too. 

While standing there, this odd thought came to mind that I should have her sign it to my nickname Sariasis. I have no idea why Sara wouldn't have worked just as well, but at that moment in that location, Sariasis sounded infinitely more fun.  My friend, supporting me in my line-waiting endeavor, thought I was strange but encouraged me nonetheless.  My thought was that she would either find it entertaining and we would be new BFF's or she would find me very weird. 

We are not BFF's.  She asked me if I was serious, and when my friend confirmed that I was, she very politely and confusedly signed my nickname, asking me time and again just how she was supposed to spell it.  She got it down, I expressed my enjoyment of her music, and just when I thought the awkward moment had ended, my friend asked to take a picture with her.  Ever the pro, though I'm sure she was still a little worried about this seemingly off-kilter woman, she dutifully smiled in our little picture before moving on to a hopefully more sane admirer.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Lazy or Just Anti-Social?

Just in case, everyone doesn't already know, Matt is here at Penn State getting his MBA (Master's in Business Administration).  There are a few program-sponsored events, some of which we attend, throughout the year.  But it has recently come to my attention that there are a whole host of other parties and activities that my fellow LDS MBA families attend that I know nothing about, and honestly, am okay not being a part of. 

I wonder if one of the other MBA wives telling me about her active MBA social life, was afraid I'd feel bad for not knowing everyone else in the program and not feeling included.  But really, honestly and truly, I don't care.  Matt isn't the most outgoing guy so, while he knows and likes most of his classmates, he really isn't into the socializing scene.  And he treats school very much like a job.  He studies hard, puts in his hours, but at the end of the day, he comes home to his little wife and we have our other life.  Truthfully, our other life doesn't consist of much other than dinner and vegging before bed, but its the way we like it. 

Matthew has his life at school and I have my life working (on occassion), sewing (more than I should), sleeping (got to keep that growing babe healthy right?), and trying my hand at various domestic skills.  I socialize mostly with other women from church and I teach seminary.  I don't really feel my life is lacking in daily activities.  So, while I know I'm missing out on all sorts of potential friendship, missionary, and other opportunities, am I lazy or just anti-social to not really care about this whole other realm of social possibilities?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

One Womb, Two Embryos, One Baby

In conjunction with my IVF, I had 13 eggs sucked from my enlarged ovaries at the beginning of September.  Not a huge number by IVF standards, but definitely respectable.  The next day I got a phone call that of those 13 embryos only 5 were mature.  Of those 5, only 3 fertilized.  Going from 13 to 5 was kind of a let down.  I had anticipated at least 10 being viable for fertilization.  And only having 3 fertilized didn't give me great odds of having any that would be available for transfer as embryos don't exactly have the highest mortality rate.  But I felt confident then as I do now that the Lord is intimately engineering this whole process and that surely He wanted me to know that He was in charge.  So, I laughed to myself, threw up my arms and tried my absolute best not to worry.

A couple of days later (Labor Day) Matt and I drove down to Rockville, MD for the last time to have two of them transferred into my eagerly awaiting womb.  The last embryo, kept for observation and hopefully to freeze for later didn't survive the next few days and was eventually discarded.  For the next couple of weeks I did my best to stay calm and patient while I awaited the news of the success or failure of our fertility attempt, but by the time the 20th of September rolled around I was beyond ready to know.  The three hour wait between the blood test and the results were excruciating, but thankfully the news came back super positive.

The target HcG level for my blood test was between 100-200 and mine was 676.  Not only good, but fabulous.  Could the high level mean I was pregnant with twins?  This made me nervous and hopeful and excited.  Everyone I knew was hopeful for twins for me, and twins would definitely jumpstart my little family.  I became sure that we would be having twins while Matthew continued to hope for one at a time.  The next step was an ultrasound at 7 weeks to see how my little embryos were doing and find out just how many they were.

The morning of the appointment I prayed that whatever the outcome that Matt and I would feel at peace, thinking at the time that it would surely be Matthew who would need it most.  We got in to see the Ultrasound Tech but instead of the two I felt certain of she only found one baby.  My disappointment at only finding one lasted for only a moment.  When she finally turned the monitor so I could see, I saw the tiny little heartbeat flickering on the screen and at that moment I felt complete peace.  It was real.  Despite feeling little or no pregnancy symptoms, I really had a little life growing inside me.

I felt a little shell shocked at its reality.  Is this really happening?  Did all the home pregnancy tests and the blood tests really not lie?  Am I really pregnant and is that really a heartbeat I see on the screen?  Somehow feeling sad there weren't two seemed completely ungrateful and inappropriate.  The kind technician gave us some pictures of our Wee Babe carefully pointing out where it was in the picture and we left for lunch.

We made it to downtown State College and after the initial shock passed I wanted to announce to everyone who passed us on the street that I had a baby growing inside me!!!  So there you have it.  I am not having twins, but I do have A Bun in My Oven!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Guess What This is For?

I am happy to announce that I have purchased this beautiful baby fabric for my own purposes!!  Sometime in late May, probably when Matt and I are scurrying off to our new life, our baby will grace us with her(?) presence and we couldn't be more joyful, anxious, relieved and grateful.  Matt's a little disappointed that the babe might impinge on his dream roadtrip, but what can you do?  I guess that's what the last five years should have been about.

A couple of asides:
  • I'm sure this information is crazy premature, I mean I'm not even 6 weeks pregnant, but a friend of mine told me that since I had been so open about everything else in my life, now was not the time to be reserved.
  • No, I don't feel pregnant yet, no symptoms except the slightest twinge of quesiness from time to time.
  • We transferred two embryos back at the beginning of the month.  Next week, Matt and I will find out if we can hear one heart beat or two!  Talk about being anxious.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

My New Favorite Project

While I await the news of my recent rendezvous into fertility, here are a few pictures of my new favorite project.  I made it for Mother Marler to say thanks ever so much for letting us crash at your house for the summer.

I love the colors, I love the pinwheels, and of course we all know how much I love the stars.  I have to say though that the whole time I was working on it I was so scared that it was going to be a miserable failure.  I mean look at all those points.  It's by no means perfect, but I am currently one proud mother to this beautiful new quilt.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

My Family Loves Me

While it has been confirmed that my Heavenly Father loves me, I have also been blown over by the love and support of my wonderful family.
  • My oldest brother Phillip fixed our car for us this summer while we were in Hawaii, fixing the overhead lights and the AC!!!  When asked if I can do something for him, he says, no problem, don't worry about it.
  • My oldest sister Nichole sent me flowers this May when I had my surgery.  She also calls and checks up on me regularly.
  • My older sister Melissa has been the backbone of my support system for the last several years as we have worked together to get pregnant, her with her 6th child and me with my first.  She calls me regularly, lets me cry and vent and express my concerns and frustrations ad nauseum.
  • My older brother Jared recently donated all his Marriott reward points to me for this next unanticipated week in Maryland.
  • My little brother Paul picked me up from the airport and, even after spending the entire summer separated from his adorable wife, he let me crash his alone time with her so I wouldn't have to spend all the time by myself.
  • My mother spent what couldn't have been a fun few days hanging out with me in my hotel room and tried her best to lift my spirits while I seemed to try my best not to let her.
  • My father willingly gave up with wife for me and didn't mind a bit when I ditched her to go home, saying he would gladly drive the hour and a half to go retrieve her.
  • My in-laws graciously let us stay for the summer and donated money to help us make this dream of IVF a reality.
  • My family prays for me, they call me and let me call them.  They let me talk about IVF all I want but also let me hear about their lives so I can escape mine for a while. 
I have wonderful friends who also love and support me and I am grateful for them; but this week I have been overwhelmed by the reminders that my family LOVES ME.

Tender Mercies in IVF

The Lord loves me.  I am filled to overflowing for the miracles and mercies I've experienced in these last few days.

As I have mentioned previously, I am in the midst of my first IVF cycle.  I have been staying in a hotel in the D.C. area while Matthew starts his second and final year of Business School.  At the beginning of the summer, I had a few fellow IVFers tell me how emotional this journey was going to be, but I felt ready and eager to take on the challenge.  This week, I think I came to understand what they meant.  My body was responding to the medication, but not as quickly as I had hoped, I couldn't seem to get any answers or words of encouragement from my DR or the countless other nurses I saw, and I desperately missed my husband.  Even though my mother came up to stay with me for a few days, I still felt myself being pulled down into darkness.  It didn't help that after spending a whole lot of money on this process, I had to fork out an additional $1,400 on even more medication because I was already starting to run low. 

Friday morning, I went to my DR's appointment hopeful to actually see my DR and hear her thoughts on how my body was doing.  She was a dream, encouraging me and even swearing at me to get her point across that while I was slow, my body was working *@!$ beautifully.  She then asked if I had enough drugs to see me through to the middle of next week.  I said I had recently purchased more but still wasn't sure it was going to be enough.  She told me to sit tight and she would see what she could find (when women don't use all their drugs, they often donate them back to the clinic to be used by women like me who don't have insurance coverage).  After she left I said a quick prayer pleading for a miracle.  When my DR came back her arms were loaded with more than enough drugs to cover me.  I wanted to cry.

She then gave me the best news of the whole week.  She didn't need to see me on Saturday and with Huricane Irene threatening the Eastern Seaboard she said that should my hormone be at a reasonable level, she could hold off on seeing me again on Monday morning.  That means almost three whole days free - plenty of time to drive the 3+ hours home to see my husband for the weekend!!!!  I was awash in love and gratitude.  My mother is wonderful and everything a mother should be during such a stressful time, but really, I just wanted my husband.  I have never been so grateful for a hurricane in my life.  So I packed up my stuff, bid my mother adieu and set off to spend a blissful weekend with the love of my life.  I'll have to go back tomorrow morning super early to spend a few more days in D.C., but it was worth every second on the road and every dollar for gas to be HOME.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


I was in Washington D.C. when the earthquake rumbled through the East Coast on Tuesday.  I have been in the D.C. area since Wednesday when I flew in from Hawaii.  I'm in town, staying at a hotel in Maryland while I complete my IVF cycle.  Monday I hung out mostly in my hotel room, sewing and working and watching endless amounts of TLC, so Tuesday I was ready to get out and see something.  I went to my DR's appointment, took a nap, watched a little more TLC, and finally made it out of my hotel room around 1:00.  I navigated my way through the subway system and onto the Mall to see the National History Museum.  It was a beautiful day, warm but not too humid, the museum was not very crowded and I was excited to get lost in the history and culture of my fair country. 

I got a map, and started in on the first exhibit when the earthquake struck.  I don't recall ever experiencing an earthquake before, and for some reason I naively thought it was part of the exhibit - sort of like the earthquake houses they have at some children's museums, or maybe it's just OMSI.  Either way, it was very surreal.  I looked to my fellow museum goers and they looked equally confused and unsure of what to do next.  Could I continue through the museum, would we be evacuated and then let back in?  We started conversing about the next steps when the alarm lights and horns sounded making it very obvious that we were wanted outside NOW.  So outside to the Mall we went, everyone pulling out their cell phones to check news and call friends. 

I sat on a lovely bench soaking in the sun for a while, but when it became clear they weren't letting us back in that day, I braved the metro, which was mercifully still operating, and went home to my hotel room.  The subway was only running at 15 mph making it a LONG trip home, but I met some very nice women on the way.  So while my foray to the National History Museum was a total bust, my desire for adventure wasn't.  I went and saw and experienced, met very nice people, and forgot about IVF for a few hours - totally successful day.

Saturday, August 13, 2011


1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.
2. the object, state, or result desired or sought after
3. desire for work or activity; energy

For some reason, this word has plagued me for the last while. As a teenager I wanted honor, fame and wealth and had all sorts of willingness to strive for its attainment. I decided early that I was going to be an accountant and quickly determined that I could not be a fulfilled woman without earning my Master's degree. Nor would I feel fulfilled without a successful and lucrative career as a CFO of a public company. These were my goals and if my parents didn't instill anything else, they for sure instilled goal setting as the key to attaining anything worthwhile.

So with my goals set, I enrolled in a university that excelled at Accounting, somehow graduated remotely well, though without a Master's degree (turns out I was wrong about feeling fulfilled without one), and landed a good job in Boston for the largest accounting firm - PwC. Everything seemed to be going well for a few years, until I realized that public accounting wasn't the dream job I had hoped for. I was not the first nor was I the last to come to this conclusion. After this I got a job for a public company, again part of the plan.

But then I married a student. This kind of started the derailment of my life's ambition. Because after that ring was on my finger, I didn't care anymore. That sounds awful and any self-respecting feminist would cringe and shake her fist, but after I married my life's ambition almost immediately shifted to supporting my husband through graduate school and to start a family.

Now five years later, that newest plan has yet to be realized, but even still, I find myself sort of at a loss for anything else. Motherhood, I am certain, will be great but shouldn't I be striving for other goals as well? Matt wants to write books, get a fabulous job, obtain more advanced degrees, open a small book store on the coast of Maine, and . . . When I think of what I want, my mind is a blank.

I know what I have no desire to do, I have no desire to climb Mount Everest, run a marathon, write a novel, be a CFO of a public company, travel the world, or start my own company. Is it okay if my life's ambition can be summed up by something published in 1905 in the Lincoln Sentinel:

"(S)He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled (her) niche and accomplished (her) task; who has left the world better than (she) found it, whether by an
improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best (she) had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction."

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Perfection for me was spending the weekend with my husband celebrating 5 years of wedded bliss in Waikiki. Perfection was wandering around the crowded city streets, commenting on how many ABC stores were in a five block radius from our hotel (I think we logged at least 8). Perfection was watching the perfect sunset on the beach while eating frozen yogurt. Or it was waking up to a glorious morning dreaming of all the possibilities for the day, but not really having a plan. Perfection was hiking up Diamond Head without lots of joint pain and getting my not so glamorous picture taken with beautiful HI in the background. Or maybe it was taking a self portrait of my husband and me (we don't take lots of photos - sorry). Perfection was doing whatever we wanted with our weekend so long as we were together.

I am ecstatic to announce that after 5 years I still like my husband and he still likes me. We might even like like each other. Oooh. . . . He is still the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am grateful to call him mine for all of eternity. Happy Anniversary Babes!!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Ingratitude is Ugly

Today I was struck by the ingratitude growing in my heart. I earnestly try to be a positive person and look for the good, but I have definitely not been as kind in my heart to certain persons as I could and should be. It made me think about how important gratitude is; how noble a virtue it is, and how truly unattractive ingratitude is. And who wants to be unattractive? So since its been a long time since I've publicly declared my blessings, here they are in no particular order.

  • I get to be in Hawaii for the summer, living rent-free, preparing very few meals, and getting to know my very kind in-laws. It's been an interesting summer, and in no way completely ideal, but when all is said and done, I am an extremely lucky chicky.

  • The beautiful Laie LDS temple is an easy and pretty 1 mile walk. The Spirit that pervades every trip has boosted me in more ways I can mention; and when I leave for home I am treated to my favorite ocean view at just the perfect time in the morning.

  • I have been absolutely blessed with work this summer. I might not have tons of time to spend at the beach but every hour I work brings me closer to my dream of easily paying for children and maybe having some fun too.

  • My husband is the best example of long-suffering patience. He is charity personified and I am grateful that despite my tantrums he still finds something to love about me.

  • When we first started out this summer, we were unclear what the Lord was thinking when he gave Matt his internship. He had absolutely nothing to do (he read SEC regs just to pass the time) and we wondered how this job was going to help him in his goals for future gainful employment. But as the summer has progressed (he only has one week left), it is now abundantly evident that this was THE perfect internship for him, if for no other reason than he has finally decided what he wants to do with himself - turns out it's banking.

  • Perfect summer temps. My family in Oregon has been hit with an extremely mild summer while my family in Virginia struggles with the opposite problem. Here in Hawaii, it is 75 - 80 degrees every day.

  • My great new pair of jeans I recently purchased that were 40% off, are the most comfortable pair I have ever worn and still manage to look ultra cool.

  • IVF tender mercies. As we start down the path towards IVF (in vitro fertilization) we have been blessed with caring nurses and doctors, discounted rates, donated drugs that cut the $4,000 drug sticker price in half, reasonably good initial testing and beyond perfect timing. While we have no guarantee this will work, at least it has been made as easy as possible. And in the meantime I am completely at peace with the choices we have made and I feel confident that whatever happens will be closely followed and engineered by a loving Heavenly Father.
Thanks for indulging me. LOVE.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Ode to Motherhood

My darling sister, Melissa, won Oregon's Young Mother of the Year for 2011. Now while she claims she only won because no one else entered, she is a wonderful mother, maybe even a perfect mother!! She has 5 wonderful children (with one - hopefully a girl - on the way). And while she might have started with good raw material, she has worked very hard to make them great (though picky eaters - sometimes even the best mothers can't have completely perfect children). She has excelled at making a comfortable home for seven on her husband's teacher salary. I am so eternally grateful to know her and claim her as my sister for all eternity.

Here she is in the Sherwood parade, driven by my father who is completely enjoying himself. Her children and her husband also participated by carrying the American Mothers banner and walking/dancing down the parade route.

This is how Melissa finds joy in being a mother.

Giggling reverberating around the home, warm sweet hugs and kisses goodbye, enjoyable discussions around the dinner table are the things that make family life so rewarding.

Many find marriage and children a great deal of work. Families are a large amount of work but they also bring the greatest love, happiness and fulfillment. I find joy in the laughter of my children at play, especially with one another. Happiness and peace envelope me as I stop and observe my children read a book to their younger sibling, working together, and playing together. Rocking a baby to sleep or hearing the precious voices of children as they sing me songs before bed are also treasured moments. These simple yet sacred encounters make motherhood so sweet.

I love the security, warmth, and love I feel from my children and my husband. I love their friendship and companionship especially that of a loving and caring husband. Working together to create a loving home environment and helping with family members concerns creates unity and brings purpose that fortifies me in my life. Seeing faces that light up when they see you and feeling their love makes motherhood so treasured.

Watching them grow and sharing in their excitement at their new accomplishments also makes motherhood so fulfilling. It is wonderful to share in the excitement as a child learns to clap, walk, read and ride a bike. It is amazing to watch their confidence grow as they learn an instrument or score a goal. It is so marvelous to share in their joys as they discover for themselves that God really does answer prayers.

So while my home can be a little noisy and crazy. I know that there is no greater work and no place I would rather be than at home mothering my children.

Friday, July 22, 2011

I've Been Hacked

If you have ever received an email from me, or if we have ever been good acquaintances, chances are you have received a spurious email from me this morning. If you haven't and you feel a little jipped, I supremely apologize. If you did receive a spurious email from me and you didn't receive an apology email from me, I also supremely apologize. I did my best. I spent about two hours this morning trying to make amends for my rogue email account. I tried to get everyone, but you never know.
And now, I'm left feeling kind of violated. Who hacked me and how did they find out my super secret password? Do they feel good about what they've done? How do they sleep at night?
I've had this email account since 1997 and I've grown very fond of it. People who have known me for years but haven't talked to me for a while always know if they want to they can find me there. I've had well over 10 home addresses over that time period, a couple of names, multiple phone numbers, and a few jobs, but my email account is one of the only constants in my life. I realize that sounds utterly ridiculous, but it's true. Change everything else about me, but don't change my email address. That could cause some serious issues in my life. So I really hope this is a one time occurrence. If it isn't, please let me know and I will find alternative means of electronically communicating with the world.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I killed a cockroach

Much like most women, I don't like bugs. I don't like to see them, I don't like to kill them. This is one reason why I got married, so I would no longer have to kill my own. Thankfully for me, Matt indulges me enough not to harass me about this little idiosyncrasy of mine.

Hawaii bugs are a whole different story though. Especially the cockroaches. There must be something in the water because these bad boys are at least two inches long and they fly. FLY!! Ugh, just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. And it doesn't seem to matter how clean your house is, if you live in Hawaii, you are going to get a cockroach from time to time.

A few weeks ago, I saw a cockroach in my bathroom. Matt wasn't around but thankfully his brother was and graciously dispatched the thing while I cowered in another room. This morning, I found another one. Matt had already left for work and no one else was either up or otherwise around so the task was left to me. After a moment of indecision I picked up one of Matt's shoes and went after it determined to be an adult.

I had to chase it a little bit, but unluckily and luckily enough for me it was too big to just skitter under some box so it was trapped and we both knew it. I landed what I hoped would be a killing blow, saw gore spurt from its body and ran from the scene utterly grossed out. I thought I was brave enough for the deed, but maybe not. I went to get breakfast hoping someone else would come along to clean up my mess. After about a minute, I gathered some more courage and with a large paper towel went to finish the job.

I looked in on him only to find him twitching and squirming still alive but definitely mortally wounded. I hadn't counted on this and once again I lost my nerve. I went back to my cereal but, as utterly and seriously grossed out as I was, I couldn't stop thinking about him suffering because I was too sissy to do the job properly. So back in I went to hopefully finish him off. He was there still moving his crazy long antennae and even after I landed a few more blows with Matt's shoe, he continued to wiggle even if only weakly. This sucker was not dying anytime soon.

That did it, it was just too much. If this guy was going to leave this world it wasn't going to be at my hands. I was just about to start making enough noise to wake someone else up when, mercifully, Matt's mom came home to clean him up. I guess in the ensuing moments he had finally made the decision to die, so I did at least put him out of his misery, but I still felt bad to make my MIL finish what I couldn't. So along with a whole host of other neuroses, Hi, I'm Sara and I'm a sissy.

Sunday, July 10, 2011


These pictures are probably not what people were hoping for, but hey, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. I'll try to be better.

Fun thing about Hawaii is the beautiful and oh so fragrant flowers to be found everywhere. I love the smells of the island.

Another fun thing about Hawaii is the great hair you get after being in the ocean. Mine was pretty sweet too, especially since I have recently chopped it, but Matt's was pretty sweet too.

And finally you get my sweet as heck burn on my back, complete with the crystal clear tan line from my bathing suit straps. Can you tell that this part of my body doesn't see the sun very often? I am actually tanning up fairly nicely for my standards, but my back is one of the last acceptable places to see any daylight. Thankfully it doesn't hurt, it just looks pretty bad.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I rejoice in my children

A friend of mine recently asked a few women she knows to write about how they rejoice in their children. In a moment of something, inspiration maybe, she included me on her list. An odd request for a woman without children, but an assignment I was interested in fulfilling. If anything I was curious to see what would come out of my head. So this morning I sat down and briefly wrote out how I rejoice in my children. I apologize to my friend (should she read this) that it is going up on my own blog before she gets a chance to post it on hers. Hopefully she forgives me. Thankfully, I don't think we have the same readers. So, for the sake of my family and other miscellaneous people, here is how I rejoice in children.

The Lord has a sense of humor. Of this I am most positive. For most of my teenage years and into my early twenties I was determined I did not want children. I would hate them and they would surely hate me. I just knew it. But, as in most things in life, age matured me enough to see the folly of my youthful ideas. Maybe I did want children after all. So when I got married at the ripe old age of 26, I thought because I waited "so long" to get married, and because I came from very fertile stock, children would come as easily for me as they did for my parents and siblings.

Now 4+ years in, I still wait on the Lord and His timing, all the while rejoicing in my promised children. As such I go to appointment after appointment, subjecting my body, my time, and my money to countless exams, blood work, and hospital gowns. I cry, desperately hoping they know of the love I already feel for them. I name them and hope and plan and pray for the day when I can know the awesome power and deep humility that comes with bringing Heavenly Father's most cherished creation into the world.

And I rejoice for others. I rejoice when I hear of someone I love being pregnant. I rejoice in my 4 nieces and 15 nephews (with one on the way). I rejoice in the older children I teach in Seminary and the younger children I teach in Primary. I rejoice in their potential, in their uniqueness, and in the light of Christ bursting from their young but my no means small personalities. Children truly are an heritage of the Lord, and I can rejoice in them whether they were given to me or to someone else.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Sara in Hawaii

I am in Hawaii. This is the beach most readily accessible to my in-laws. It's so full of driftwood that it's not really good for anything other than a nice stroll. The better beaches are in the other direction and are still walkable, it just take 10 minutes to get to them instead of 5. And no I'm not bragging or anything.

So how am I doing? I realize that I will get absolutely zero sympathy for any complaining I might want to do, so I will dispense with the unpleasantness and simply say that the first few days took a little getting used to. Fortunately for the summer, Matt's siblings and I now get along swimmingly, I've learned to accept the fickleness of the weather and being slightly sticky all the time, and I'm coming up with a nice little schedule for my week. All in all, I expect this to be a fabulous summer. Which brings me to the point of this post.

We are in Hawaii. Us. Sara and Matt. It struck me a couple of days ago how absurd this notion is. There are two other LDS families going through the Penn State MBA program with us. One family is in Houston for the summer (certainly the worst time, in my mind, to be in Houston) before she gets to leave with their small daughter and move apartments in State College all by herself. The other is separated for the summer, he working in a lame town in Maryland while she and the kids spend half of it alone, sans car, in State College, and the other half in Utah. Neither sounds even the slightest bit fun and here we are in Hawaii.

Friday I rode the bus into downtown Honolulu to meet up with Matthew for date night. And as I was riding what ended up being a two hour trip, I just couldn't help marveling at the wonder of it. I have been to the temple three times already in the week and a half since I've been here. I woke up at 6 am and decided to make it to the temple by 7 am. And even with walking I was still there by 6:40 easily. I work my standard issue hours so as to not make me feel like a complete lazybones, but the rest of my day is spent baking fun things, laying by the pool, taking walks and talking to friends. I realize this whole post sounds very boastful, but I just can't help swimming in the immense good fortune of my summer. Please don't be a hater.

P.S. I'll try to take more pictures.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Officially Infertile

As always I apologize for what some might consider over sharing. Please forgive me. Please also don't ask what provokes me to share some of the most intimate details of my life for the entire world (who reads English).

At my Doctor's appointment the other day, I got the news. I am officially, most likely not able to conceive children without the aid of modern science. It was an interesting experience. I was caught off guard, and obviously devastated, but mercifully (for everyone involved) calm and rational as I listened to my doctor and then his nurse run through my various options of what to do next. I collected all sorts of information, went home, and told a very compassionate husband the news. IVF aka invitro fertilization aka super expensive, non-insurance covered procedure, is most likely our best shot at starting a family of our very own. For years, we have said "No, we hate you, IVF. You are too expensive." But somehow, hearing the official news, makes parting with the money a touch easier. Because when all is said and done, which do we want more, a house or a family; a new car (one with working AC and trunk) or a family; a cruise next summer or a family? As much as I would love that cruise a family is just more important. So we will suck it up, pull out our long-term savings and say, "you better be grateful you expensive baby you."

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Miracles Happen

With a sigh of relief and a shout for joy I would like to announce that Matt has an internship!!! Wahoo and praises be to Heaven. And where is that internship? Much to the chagrin of our ward here in State College, we will be leaving for the summer and heading to Hawaii. Matt got an internship with First Hawaiian Bank and will be working there starting in just two weeks. Matt's family still lives in Hawaii, and even though several of his siblings have graduated from college, somehow everyone will be there for one last summer before everyone heads in different adult-like directions. I will fortunately be able to take my job with me which will give me something to do with my day other than lounge on the beach. But even more fortunately, it continues part-time, which will give me something to do with my day other than sit in my room all day in front of my computer. Wonderful things all around. In addition, the LDS temple will be a fifteen minute walk instead of a 3.5 hour drive so I will hopefully avail myself of its blessings on a weekly, if not a semi-weekly basis. Again, wahoo!!
By the way, the procedures I went in for this week went as well as one could possibly hope. Very routine. That's the way I like it. So, while my tummy continues to swell beyond normal proportions and I try not to sneeze, cough, or laugh too riotously, I am doing very well and healing quite nicely. Thanks to everyone, especially my beloved family, who more than did their part in praying for my well being. Good job guys!!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Two Ports Open for In-Coming Ships

I am excited, nervous, impatient, hopeful, and curious to see how this week goes. Two major things are going on in our lives.

1. Matthew might actually get an internship this week!!! When Matt was in law school, clerkships were difficult to come by. Matt worked one summer for his attorney grandfather and worked one summer for the company where I was then working. When he was done with law school, he thankfully had a job, but it was by no means a dream job or even a long-term job. It was basically the only thing available after many months of searching. So when Matt started his MBA, he was determined that this experience would be different. He threw himself into doing anything he could to get a good internship that would hopefully lead to a great job. After so many months of searching and working and praying, it was getting kind of frustrating, as noted in my earlier post. But this past week, the windows of heaven opened and he began getting offers. Maybe not offers from big-named "glamorous" companies, but exciting offers that don't leave Matt feeling stuck or desperate. We still don't have many details and he is still waiting on one more company to make up their mind, but the Lord has been very good to us and we are extremely grateful and humbled to see His hand in our lives.

2. Again, like I said in my earlier post, this week I will have surgery that will hopefully help me both with painful menstrual cycles as well as with getting my innards cleaned out and ready for babies. A year ago I felt impressed that there were indeed children meant for our family and that they were ready to come. A little while after that initial impression I was diagnosed with fairly significant hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism doesn't always result in infertility, but with the extremely low levels of thyroid my body was producing, multiple doctors have expressed their surprise that I wasn't in a coma, let alone able to conceive. So onto medication I went, hopeful that this might help me get my body ready for children. Many months went by and I had what I thought was a ovarian cyst rupture. I called and made a DR appointment to get it checked out and prayed that if something needed to happen to get my body ready that it would be obvious to the DR. Two DRs appointments later it was determined that I have multiple cysts on either ovaries and a fibroid wrapped in a polyp hanging out in my uterus. So with that I was signed up for surgery. Surely, I thought, this is an answer to my prayer. My body is being prepped and with faith and even more prayers, hopefully a ship will come into port for me as well as for my husband.

Wow, so much anticipation and excitement!

Monday, April 11, 2011


The older I get the slower I drive. When I lived in Boston I drove at reckless speeds because that's what everyone else drove. I was just keeping up with traffic. I actually thought I was doing traffic a favor by not clogging up the lanes. Now, that I am oh so wise at 31, however, I still speed but I check myself at about 5 over. I don't care that people are ten feet from my bumper or that there is a pile up behind me on our one lane roads out here. The speed limit is 35, that means I don't go 55, it means I go 40. In the past I have felt almost self righteous in my "safe speeding" mentality. I always figured God didn't care about such trivialities. Yes, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not commit adultery, check, check, and check. But what about some of the lesser laws. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I also "believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law" (12th article of faith). So does that mean that my breaking a law at 40 (even though I know I'm not going to be stopped by any cop) is the same as breaking the law at 55 (most cops should stop me at this point)? On my way home from seminary I had this awful dilemma. If I believe Christ suffered for my sins, is he suffering for my little speeding habits too? Do I unconsciously cause Him more pain every time I put my pedal to the metal? I'm in a very real moral quandary here so any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, whether you are a member of my faith or not. Thanks for your help.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

We Believe in MIRACLES

Just a heads up for those who may be curious. Matt still has no internship for the summer and has less than three weeks before the end of the year. What started out as a stressful thought in August has turned agonizing over the last month. It doesn't help that even jobs that seem perfectly tailored to Matthew still inexplicably say no. We don't get it. His career counselor doesn't get it. His classmates don't get it. We know the Lord has a plan for us, we are just hoping He lets us know what it is before too much longer. In addition, I am still sans child. We have officially made it to the 4 year mark of trying and failing at having children. A year ago, I had my extremely low thyroid diagnosed and addressed and in the past few months, due to some other issues, I have found that I have not only one problem that often leads to infertility but two more. All unrelated, but all having significant effects on my ability to conceive. In another month the other two will be looked into via minor surgery. I'm hoping that these are the last two issues to fix before babes start happening. As such, our new mantra in our home is "We Believe in MIRACLES". We know they happen every day, and we know that the Lord loves us, so with enough faith, maybe they will happen for us VERY SOON.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Newest Projects

I've had a couple of projects mostly done for the longest time but not entirely finished. As such, I've finally gotten around to completing them. Like the flannel rag quilt pictured above.

Now this pictured quilt is a special story. My maternal grandmother, God rest her soul, had a goal to make a quilt for each of her MANY granddaughters when they got married. Well, I took my own sweet time getting there and she was getting older, so on a visit to my parent's house with my aunts she decided it was time, married or not to make my quilt. The group of women went to the fabric store to buy the material. My grandmother picked out some material my mother knew I would hate (I am sorry to say that I am indeed a picky sort) so my mother convinced her to let her buy the above fabric instead. At home, my aunts cut out the material and appliqued the flowers. I think their enthusiasm for the project waned at that point because that's as far as it got.

Months later my mother gave me the supplies and told me if I wanted my grandmother quilt I would need to finish it. I complained that it didn't seem fair somehow, that my grandmother quilt was purchased by my mother, cut out by my aunts and finished by me, but she was firm. If she finished it, she said, she was going to keep it. Keep MY grandmother quilt, for shame. So I took the fabric and put in a pile for years. At some point I finished the top and even put the layers together and pinned it, but there again it layed in a pile for another few years.

Finally a few days ago, I got around to quilting, tieing it and binding it. It's not my favorite quilt as we all know how I'm fairly partial to stars (see first pictured quilt and really any other quilt I've posted), but it is sweet and maybe one day my own daughter will take a fancy to it.

Two projects down, now I have just one more. We'll see how long it takes me to get around to that one.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

An Amish Adventure for Hard White Wheat

A few years ago Matt bought me a wheat grinder in addition to my Bosch for my birthday. Since then I have endeavored to make and master homemade bread with my own freshly ground wheat, which I am told has more protein and fiber than even week-old wheat flour. This sends me in search of wheat. I am surprised at just how hard it is to find wheat berries. In the past I've purchased it from the LDS church, or have had it given me from my mother, but in my current living conditions, neither of these options are very practical. I figured living in the middle of so many farms would make this easier but after calling around to the country stores I know of, only one had any idea of where I might procure it. She wasn't sure of the name but told me what town it was in. I tried finding it online, finding it in the yellow pages, but no luck. The town of Allensville has only two phone numbers that can be obtained through modern technology. I called one of them and asked a very kind woman if she knew the name and number of the store in question and, heavens be blessed, she did. I called and verified that my needs could be met for a decent price and, with my excitement about me, put off for my hour drive into the heart of Amish farmland, PA. Coming into Allensville, I passed a horse-drawn buggy, complete with it's slow moving sign. The parking lots of this super tiny town had two types of parking accommodations - painted lines for the cars and hitching posts for the horse buggies. One store I patronized had an Amish man and woman (full beard and bonnet) purchasing supplies. How very fun!! I didn't think to take my own picture (sorry NicHole) so the picture below will have to suffice. I made it to the sought-after store and procured 100 lbs of Hard White Wheat (my current favorite for making very tasty yet completely healthy bread). Hopefully this will last me for the time being. As I drove into State College I thought, hmmm back to civilization. But not with a sense of relief, rather with a sense of disappointment. I think it could be fun to live off the grid - no taxes, no bills, no commutes, no worry about finding and keeping a job. I realize I can't give up the life I lead, but it is nice to escape for a few hours from time to time. I also realized that when all said in done, it would have been much cheaper for me to work the two hours spent driving and pay the extra money to buy the wheat online, but I would have lost out on a very valuable adventure! A look into another life where one realizes that material possessions and wild earthly ambitions can be very silly indeed.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mostly Dead Plant

I do not have a green thumb my any means. I'm not a death threat to plants either, but I can get, shall we say, forgetful when it comes to watering on a regular basis. I am even worse about reminding my husband to water while I am away. Hence the picture above. This used to be a beautiful hydrangea Matt bought for me years ago. It had beautiful white blooms. But after one such vacation away, it almost died. It withered to practically nothing, but my mother told me to just cut it way down and it would miraculously come back. So I did, and it came back, but never to its original glory. Even still, I nursed it to a new kind of health and fawned over it when it did anything remotely amazing.

But then I left for CA and Matt didn't water it at all while I was away. It was probably fairly dry from my own neglect, so I don't fault Matt at all, but even still it was pretty dead when I came back. But as you can see, not completely. Do you see those little budding leaves? I wanted to just toss it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It has the willpower to live, can I really just throw it in the trash? I thought about planting it outside, where I wouldn't feel so responsible about it's livelihood, but the ground is still in permafrost mode and wouldn't be dug, at least not with my kitchen serving fork.

Oh, what to do.

I eventually ended in compromise. I needed the pot to give some other plants the much needed space. So I scaled some up and scaled this little struggling plant way down. I think I actually like it in the tiny pot. It doesn't look nearly as pathetic down there.

But I couldn't help but think that this whole scenario says something about me. Or is it human nature? Would you have been able to toss the struggling but mostly dead plant? I NEED to know.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Rich for Bish

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints there is no campaigning for positions or callings. There are also no elections, voting, or payment. There are only good men and women, called of God, trying their best at whatever they've been asked to do. However, a friend of mine from college always thought that if there were campaigning, "Rich for Bish" would be very catchy. I agree.

But with that qualifier, I sent an email to a woman in my ward, who's calling is to be in charge of the Young Women, letting her know that should the Spirit direct her in such a way to call me to help her with the Laurels (16-18 year-old young women) I would shout for joy at the privilege. There are a few particular girls with whom I have absolutely fallen in love and I would so enjoy the chance of watching them, and in a small part helping them, discover the incredible women they are destined to become.

I realize that my efforts at campaigning just sealed my fate at not having that calling. I think the only calling in the church for which I have seen a successful campaign was to be the nursery (children ranging from 18 months to 3 years old) leader.

I was feeling kind of sorry for myself, will I really be able to wake up at 5:20 am for the next three months and all of next year? Is this really what God expects out of me? But as I was sitting in church today, I realized that I have come to LOVE my three quirky students, such that I wonder if anyone else could love them the way I do. They are such a joy to me. But what I really love is the personal growth I have seen in myself over the past 6 months. I don't think you can immerse yourself in the scriptures (enough to teach a 50 minute lesson every weekday) and not come out on the other side with a greater testimony of our Savior and His love for His children. What a huge blessing it has been to start every morning in such a way.

So after this kind of meandering post, I just have to say to my fellow Mormons, you might think you have the best calling the Church, but try being a seminary teacher and then come talk to me. Because then you'll know what I have only recently come to know - that teaching Seminary is the best calling in the Church!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Courtside Reunion 2011

Don't you just love this picture? Eight women in all of their happy sweaty glory? I hope my dear college roommates don't hate me for posting this picture on a public blog. Can you believe that many women in one group look that good in spandex! I mean really! Three of the women pictured above recently had children. Can you tell who they are? I'm guessing probably not.

I recently had the rare privilege to spend a long weekend with these wonderful women talking, eating, getting our "butts" kicked at this intense whole body aerobics class, giggling, crying and reminiscing together. What a wonderful way to spend three+ days. The part I loved most about the trip was marveling at how amazing they all are and how lucky I am to be able to associate with such beautiful, happy, and genuinely good women. Rarely, do we have in our lives, so many positive relationships in one group. I cringe when I think about the pill I often was to my dear roommates. I was an emotional wreck half the time. Thankfully I've come SO FAR since then (wink wink). How nice of them to love me and forgive my post adolescent issues. Thank you my darling friends!

And thanks to my wonderful husband who spent 6 days sans car eating soup and bumming rides from friends so I could have this opportunity. Thank you my boy!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

FYI - Body Suits are Back

While in California visiting with my college roommates, we went into San Francisco to shop. We made it into H&M, which, while it might not be at the height of haute couture, it is definitely hipper than the shopping I don't do these days. How was I to know then that the 80's are already on the outs and the 90's are back. Case in point - see above picture. Do you remember body suits the first time they came in? I was never cool enough to have one though boy did I ever want one. It seemed like the perfect way to keep your shirt tucked in.

Now when I look at them, all I see is a big onesie. A ONESIE!! Do you see the snaps at the bottom? I couldn't stop laughing and when I saw them. I also couldn't believe that scrunchies can now be found at H&M as well. I was talking to a women about them at the airport and apparently there was a "Sex in the City" episode that said that scrunchies were only to be worn when sleeping or washing your face; they were not for wearing in public. I guess not. And apparently, according to, scrunchies have been in since mid 2009. Where have I been? Oh, that's right, in Wenatchee, Washington. Maybe, you've all had your "bodysuits and scrunchies are on their way back in?" moment, but thanks to H&M I finally had mine.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Mad Dash

To fly to CA for my college roommate reunion, I first had to drive to Philadelphia. Just no real viable options for air travel when you live in the middle of nowhere. But instead of leaving at 3:00 am, I thought it best to stay somewhere the night before and then take the hotel's shuttle to the airport in the morning. I make it to Phillie no problem, arrange for a 6:30 am shuttle for my 8:15 am flight and go to bed. The next morning I am up and at em at 5:30 am, and out to meet my shuttle by about 6:25ish. I wait outside for a few minutes, no shuttle. I ask inside, and am told my shuttle picked up someone from their sister hotel just then and will be back to get me in less than 15 minutes. Why they couldn't pick me up on their way to the airport I will never know, but they don't and I wait. Fifteen minutes go by, then twenty. I ask inside again, and am told the shuttle should be there any minute, but he would call just to make sure. By this time, there is someone else waiting outside for a 7:00 am shuttle for her 8:00 am flight. I'm am a little irritated, but mostly calm, even a little impressed by my cool approach to the experience. But surely, the shuttle will be there for my new friend's appointment. Being an hour early for my flight wis still in the realm of the acceptable. By 7:10 though we are both getting anxious. Where is this dumb shuttle? The guy working the desk eventually found out that the shuttle guy had gotten into an accident at the airport and was caught without any identification. I'm guessing it ended up being quite the to do and that is why he didn't call to let anyone know. Without shuttle service, the hotel arranges for a taxi for us, but after another 15 minutes, the taxi service still can't find someone available to come get us. At this point, it is 7:30 am. My shuttle friend has missed the window of opportunity of getting onto her flight, and I am quickly losing my own. The airport is a mile or two away, I should have walked. But I remain calm and even joke about the silliness of the situation. So impressive. Really, I am so proud of myself. Finally, another hotel's shuttle comes to get us. I am the first stop and calmly but quickly, at 7:40 am, make it to the counter where there is NO ONE in line. Hallelujah, my first break of the morning. I am so doped up on adrenaline, I have to tell someone my story, but the woman at the counter is too busy beating the deadline for checking me in, that I am left to tell anyone else around who will listen. Next step, security. Again, NO ONE in line. The Lord surely loves me, I think. I have to submit to a search, because my cups of peaches I bought as a snack for the airport do not meet airport security guidelines. They are comfiscated and I again calmly but quickly started making my way to the gate where surely the plane is already starting to board. I follow signs to what I think is my terminal, but after I step onto the moving walkway, I realize I may not be going in the right direction. Some security guards confirm my suspiscion, and I turn around and run in the opposite direction. It's amazing how much harder than expected it is to make headway going the wrong way on a moving walkway. I'm sure I looked absolutely rediculous to any passersby. I retrace my steps, finally make it to my gate, which is indeed boarding, and with time to spare, make one last bathroom stop before getting onto what will evenutally be a pleasant, even friendly, but ultimately uneventful flight. So the moral of my story, if you have to stay overnight in Philadelphia before catching an early flight, don't stay at the Extended Stay Deluxe. Spend the extra money and stay across the street at the Courtyard Marriott. They have shuttles that leave every 10 minutes.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Power in Labels

NOTE - This post may get a bit personal. I apologize in advance for any offence I may unwittingly give.

Anyone who has seen me in the last 31 years knows I am not a large person. I'm not scrawny by any means but no one would ever call me pudgy. I have definitely been blessed with my father's Booren genes. But in April of this past year, in conjunction with a whole host of other symptoms triggered by my fall into Hypothyroidism, I gained 15 pounds in about a month. This was a big deal for me. Not that I honestly looked tons different to the outside observer, I'm sure no one would have noticed if I didn't bring it to their attention. But somehow just knowing that I was 15 pounds larger than I had ever been up to that point in my life made me look at myself differently. Now fast forward to this morning when I again got on the scale and realized I was back to my pre-thyroid diagnosis weight. Despite an abysmally unhealthy December, January has been quite the opposite. I've felt sick more or less the entire month which means eating healthy (because its really the only thing that sounds remotely good), and I've actually used my fabulous Christmas present (a bike trainer that turns my pretty but dusty road bike into a useful stationary bike) remotely regularly.
So when I looked at myself in the mirror this morning (eek, naked), I saw a Sara. But then I took another look at myself post-scale and all of a sudden I saw a thin sexy Sara. Somehow in those few moments surrounding that scale, I saw myself in a whole new light. Just like I did post scale last April.
This seems to happen in other areas in my life too. Someone will say I am funny, and in a moment, I think, I am so funny, I am probably the funniest person they have ever met. Or I will watch a movie and think to myself, this fictional character has it all together. I am not leading such a fun life, ergo I am a complete failure. Too extreme?
So I am thinking that this may not be a healthy way to live life ie. based on the labels scales, society, and unhealthy comparisons to others give me. But I am hoping that somehow getting it out in the open, out in front of me will help me see this fun neurosis of mine in a truer light and I will be more capable at finding my way to the true me. No comparisons, no puffed up pride, no labels. Just Sara. And that is okay.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Sick, Blegh

I remember a day, before I started my own meandering tribute to minutia, when I would jealously read my friends' blogs and dream about the wonderful life they ALL seemed to be living. I too wanted to be endlessly going to apple orchards or pumpkin orchards or strawberry patches with my children and taking crazy cute pictures of them on hayrides. I wanted to be going on the fabulous vacations they were indefinitely taking. But to make matters worse, I just knew, for the long stretches they weren't posting anything, it just meant they were too busy giggling all day to write down their comings and goings. Oh, those happy families with their adorable children, giggling and hayriding all day.

But now, while I don't know the details behind their seemingly endless joy, I know that, for me, my sometimes absence just means I have NOTHING going on. Since coming home from the Christmas holidays, all I can say about my life is that I seem to have spent the last month chained to my home office desk with a cold that doesn't seem to abate. I'm not really complaining, except that I really hate this DUMB cold; but for anyone who maybe thinking, "Oh that Sara, she leads such a glamorous life," just know that I don't. I'm not doing anything super cool except for providing for my family and using up an abhorrent amount of tissue - 2 full rolls of toilet paper so far - isn't that absolutely grotesque?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Suckahs and Lollipops

I was with my sister and nephews the other night in the car trying to make conversation with a 5 and 8-year old. My nephew Eddie (the former of the two boys) recently started kindergarten and while he's not a trouble maker, he's definitely not in love with the institution. He's lucky though. The majority of his class stays for all-day kindergarten, but because of his lack of enthusiasm and the fact that you have to pay for the second half of the day, Eddie gets to go home after lunch. I asked him if he said, "See ya suckahs" to his classmates before leaving, to which my sister hit my leg and told me not to teach them such things. Eddie said "no" and then he and his brother proceeded to think of other things he could tell his classmates on the way out the door. My favorite being, "See ya lollipops!" I'm so grateful for the innocence of these young boys (not that suckahs is really all that bad) and that to them suckahs are still linked with lollipops and other sweet treats.