A couple weeks ago I stopped feeling nauseous (although that had never been super strong) or tired and I stopped getting fatter. I was getting a little concerned. So when I had the opportunity to schedule a dating ultrasound I was quick to get it done as soon as possible (this past Tuesday). The baby was found, but way little and without a heartbeat. Even though my doctor wasn't positive, I was pretty sure my baby was gone when I stopped experiencing symptoms.
Last night (Saturday) I'm pretty sure I passed our sweet bundle of hope and joy. So why am I documenting this for posterity and all the world?
- Even if I get pregnant again quickly, this baby, Baby Hope, no matter how small it may have been, still needs to be acknowledged and made real. Baby Hope needs to be rejoiced and mourned, even if at the same time. This wee Baby Hope had a beautiful place in our family even if for a short time.
- I need to publicly thank my dear friends and family who have flooded me with such love and support and prayers that I would feel completely remiss if I did not mention their acts of service. Strength from my dear husband, help with my children, loving texts and phone calls, offers of meals (even if not accepted), cookies, gorgeous flowers, putting our name on the temple prayer list, and PRAYERS. Oh how thankful I am for my dear sweetnesses who have shown such Christlike love for me and my family.
- I need to publicly thank a very merciful Father in Heaven. Even in the midst of such sadness, I have felt overwhelming peace and comfort that is not natural to me. I have been carried this week by Him for which I am eternally grateful. Yesterday especially, I was given the gift of a day out to see Riverdance and lunch with my sisters. I knew I was most likely losing the baby, but it wasn't until I got home that the baby came and left. On the drive home, I knew it was happening and yet I felt such peace that everything would be okay that sadness didn't seem appropriate just then. Don't get me wrong, this is sad and I have cried over the loss of Baby Hope. But last night, peace and love from my Heavenly Father overcame it all. What a special gift.
2 comments:
Love you, Sara! Sending love and prayers your way! xo
I haven't checked blogs for a few weeks, and am just reading this now. I am so so sorry Sara. It's interesting that I read this today, because it was 5 years ago today that I found out that I lost a baby at 18 weeks. I didn't have the courage to fully acknowledge it though, and that was so painful because I dealt with a lot of the grief alone. It was like it didn't happen because people didn't know about it. Kudos to you for documenting it, to acknowledge that this baby meant something to you and your family, and that its passing means something. Love to you my friend, and prayers that a new Hope will make a presence in your life.
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