Tuesday

Here we are in our matching tshirts loving being together for whatever time we had left.

Melissa and I were the first to leave in the early afternoon, but when we woke up we were notified that our flight was delayed by 2.5 hours which gave us just a bit more time to enjoy the island and our new best friends. I was so thankful we got to know early that it was delayed so we were waiting at the beach and not at the airport. 

I can't begin to describe what these women have meant to me. I fell in love quickly and deeply. Being with them filled my cup to overflowing and I have bonded with them for life. If they are planning a trip, I want to be there. The love and acceptance I felt from them in so short of time was truly divine and was far and away above anything I had planned for as I prepared for the trip. 

When Heather first came to me and asked me if I would go with her, there was no way I was going to say yes - way too expensive. It was Matthew who persuaded me to go, for Heather. And then God prepared a way financially for me to not feel quite so guilty about the expense. I was excited to go and have a week with my darling friend on a beautiful island. And then a few weeks before we were to leave, Heather informed me she wasn't going. I was surprised, even as she told me, that I felt like God still had a plan for me going, and Heather was simply the catalyst. These women alone were enough of a reason, but then God tutored me about Their love for me in a way I never expected.

I have always had a love/uncomfortable relationship with my patriarchal blessing. I have loved all the encouragement and tenderness, the trust and counsel provided. But I have also felt uncomfortable with the ways I am described that I have never seemed to live up to. I remember as a teenager especially, drowning in my own insecurities, but even as an adult reading my blessing, and thinking, this women sounds amazing and I want to be her, but she isn't me. 

At some point in the last three months, I have taken that discomfort and unease to the temple, hoping to gain some reassurance. I didn't get it. A week or so later, I got the distinct impression that while I might not see myself in that blessing version of me now, I have a Savior who is willing to partner with me to get me to her little by little as I work towards sanctifying myself through the enabling power of His Atoning sacrifice. 

I loved that answer, and I still do. But this trip gave me a glimpse of that woman in real life. Without the worries of responsibility; so steeped in doing things and being with women who bring me joy; I was the woman in my patriarchal blessing. And again, I got the distinct impression, now that you know what she's like, go be her all the time at home. Don't let your insecurities, or your perceived lack of time and energy keep you from being the woman I need you to be. You give me what you have to offer, and I will magnify whatever that is.

It was such a life changing experience that I wanted to make sure I wrote it down so I can come back to this year after year.

Thank you everyone for making this the most meaningful gift God has ever given me. Aloha Oe.

To top it off, I had an entire row all to myself for the whole flight home. So amazing.

Monday

My biggest take away from the day was this: I saw God loving me for me. Trees, rocks, birds have nothing to prove. Nothing to do other than be perfectly who they are. Me filling the measure of my creation is me being my best, authentic, faith, and love-filled self; and letting God do His perfect will through me. I am a vessel. Or in other words, me filling the measure of my creation is not about me doing something. It is about me becoming something and then letting God do Their perfect work through me, not because of me.

We did service today helping an organization with their replanting efforts as they work towards reforesting their island with native plants. The thing I loved most about it was how efficiently 11 women can work. No egos, no trying to get out of a "less desirable" task, just everyone beautifully and selflessly doing whatever needed to be done to get the job done. It was teamwork as dreamwork. We worked so quickly that they had to come up with several additional jobs.

After the service opportunity, we tried to go snorkeling, but the ocean was too tumultuous for it and for our manta ray snorkeling excursion that evening. So instead we made fun bracelets and went shopping. We all bought the same tshirt and most of us bought the same pajama pants. An odd, but fun way to bond with these women on the last full day of our time together.

Sunday

 Oh my goodness. What a day. We started off at church. I won't go into all the very too-much-information-details, but at the end of what was a lovely sacrament meeting, I was in need of a change of  undies. I was trying my best to stay calm and trust that everything would be ok. Oh how grateful I was for all the women from the trip who rushed to my aid. One woman gave me her swim shorts to wear. Imagine giving underwear to someone you had just met. I felt so loved.

Afterwards, we went on a beautiful hike through some woods to a waterfall where we answered a journal prompt to create an "I AM" statement, similar to that of the Young Women's Theme or the Relief Society themes for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I pulled out my patriarchal blessing and my "I AM" statement seemed to jump off the page.

When I was done, I realized that my Heavenly Parents are so excited for me to see myself as the amazing woman described in my blessing.

When we got back to our house, we learned about perfumes, made Lei Po'os and did a photo shoot, to really embrace the inherent beauty in ourselves.

My Lei Po'o. It's not perfect, and that's ok, because I felt like a Hawaiian Queen anyway.

Everyone's Lei Po'os. I love the creativity that came out of everyone.

And then we learned about scents and the chemistry and artistry that goes into the science of making perfumes. It was so fascinating and I left inspired to take more time to allow myself to feel beautiful.

These women, I just barely met make me so very happy and I want them in my life forever.

Saturday

Today we hiked down into a valley with more journal prompts to answer. 

The main question being this: "List hills and valleys you've experienced. Next to it, write how God carried you through it. What have you gained from these experiences? What does this teach you about HOPE in Jesus?"

As I went through the highs and lows of my life, I was struck by just how often Christ used other people to help. I felt overwhelming love for those who have been the comfort, the guidance, the answer to so many of my prayers. I am so blessed to be so consistently surrounded by good people and I hope God has similarly used me to be that answer for someone else.

I am also completely amazed at the love I feel for these women I have just barely met.

We ended the evening with yoga on the beach.

Friday

We went ziplining and I had a blast as they taught me to zip upside down. Just about the most exhilarating thing I've ever done. 

See that sweet tall woman with the flower in her ear. Her dog died while I was trying to get to know her. It was a sad day for this poor woman, but she got loved on fiercely by these women.

Afterwards we swam in the pool created by a waterfall.

Followed by a serene walk through a botanical garden.

I felt God telling me today to be still and be ok with whatever energy I was able to give. After so many nights of not getting enough sleep, I was not functioning at full capacity. But with God's grace, the energy I did give came from a more positive place. I am naturally an authentic person, but I really appreciated the love I felt for myself, the area, the women around me that didn't become draining, because I wasn't trying to give more than I had.

So often I get burnt out with service. Today, knowing I wasn't operating at 100%, and allowing myself to be ok with whatever I had to offer, was liberating. I can be that more in my everyday life. And in turn, God makes up the difference and magnifies my widow's mite.

Flight to Hawaii

Thursday. I woke up as pure optimism personified. Wednesday was calm in the storm and Thursday was the promise of all the good things. Here are a few of the joyful things that happened.

1. A kind shuttle driver. She was the perfect way to start our day.
2. A kind and joyful worker at Moe's (a restaurant in the airport) allowed me to alter my breakfast to incorporate veggies and then made it so thoughtfully for me.
3. I met wonderful people who shared on our experience of missing the earlier flight and enjoyed instant camaraderie.
4. Melissa and I enjoyed an unexpected 5-hour layover on Kauai by walking out of the airport in search of anything interesting. We made it to a lighthouse and made a new friend, Dee, who was travelling by herself.
5. Melissa and I were sweaty and stinky when we got to the airport and I felt bad for the person assigned to sit next to me on my Kauai to Kona flight but I was blessed with the row all to myself.
6. Instead of being irritated at having to wait 45 minutes when we finally arrived in Kona, I was able to stay calm and enjoy some needed downtime.
7. I was completely unprepared for the instant connection I felt with the nine women I met, even after such a long day.
8. Melissa and I agreed that the two days we spent together were a gift and that we were meant to create a relationship just the two of us.

Our dreamy weather on dreamy Kauai.

Melissa really wanted to see a lighthouse, so by golly, we found a lighthouse and took our picture in front of it. 

Me and Nagoya, the sloth, on my flight.

Women's Retreat - The Hotel Adventure

 This retreat was an adventure from beginning to end. So get comfy.

Monday. We got our driveway cleared of its ice and enjoyed the sunshine and slightly warmer weather, especially knowing that more ice was on the way. Because of the impending weather, Matthew encouraged me to get a hotel for Monday and Tuesday night to be in Portland already for my early Wednesday flight. I wasn't looking forward to being away from my family for any longer than I had to, but I recognized the wisdom in Matthew's counsel, so Monday afternoon, we drove up to Portland as a family and dropped me off at my hotel.

Tuesday. I spent the day more or less by myself. I worked a little, exercised a little, and watched copious amounts of TV. Melissa C (who got to come because Heather T couldn't) arrived just before bedtime.

Wednesday. Melissa and I made it to the airport and on to our plane with minimal delay, and yet somehow I still wasn't confident we were going to make it out of Portland. I couldn't allow myself to be excited until we pushed back from the gate - something we never got chance to do.

We spent two hours on the plane deicing it, then refueling it, before they gave up and had us get off. Thirty minutes after that, they officially cancelled our flight and told us to go retrieve our bag and call Alaska Airlines to reschedule.

As we walked down to baggage claim, as we waited for over an hour for our bags to arrive, as I talked with Matthew to book another hotel room for the night, I was surprisingly and beautifully calm. I was patient. I was trusting that all things would work together for my good.

By the time we got checked into our hotel for the night, it was eight hours since we had left and we were both so so hungry. Since it was early afternoon, and we didn't have anything else to do we decided to walk the 1.5 miles to Red Robin for an early dinner. We made it almost to the edge of the hotel parking lot before we abandoned the plan in lieu of an Uber because 1. There was no clear sidewalk due to 2. nothing but ice. Another hour after that, we finally made it to the restaurant, and after yet another half hour, we finally made it to our table. 

After what became a regular time dinner, I was not ready to go back to the hotel, so we slipped and slided on the on the icy sidewalks of Cascade Station, going into whatever stores managed to be open despite the weather. Honestly, it was a lot of fun and Melissa and I felt so bonded together. We had amazing conversation and we ended the day hopeful for Thursday.

P.S. Luca gave me one of her stuffies to take with me to help me not be so sad. Here he is in my hotel bed.

5th Grade - by Luca

 Fifth grade is AWESOME! I got Mr Level and he is strict, but not too strict. He is also very funny. We get to do all sorts of fun stuff. But the very first thing we did was make little work holders. They look like smaller paper versions of ourselves. After a little while, you get sorted into math groups via I-ready diagnostic. I'm pretty sure I got into the highest one. It gets pretty hard (and also pretty boring). The school manages to get a lot of days off which I think is pretty nice. The smart thing though is that they put grading days right after Halloween. This is the perfect idea because then the kids don't come in with bags full of candy, and heads full of sleep they missed out on last night. Then the long stretch to winter break began. The only break is Thanksgiving break, and that was like 3 or 4 days long. It's chock full of tests, worksheets, and boring group reads. The good news is that the recess situation got a lot better. Everyone seems to have grown over the summer so they don't cry as much which is good for my nerves. except one friend. She still cries a lot. Overall, I LOVE fifth grade so much. I would rate it a nine out of ten. 

                                       Sincerely,

Luca

Middle School - by Dude

Middle school started out decent, but it kinda went downhill from there. The first person to show me what middle school is really like was mr. d a grade A turd. I have what they call a bowl cut and that produced a lot of teasing. The halls are always chaotic. At the end of the day there is always a frenzied scramble to leave in an all-engulfing tide called the "wave". once in the hall mr. d turned the "complete idiot" (CE) up to 9 out of 10 and shoved me on my face. it was a miracle I didn't break my nose. Although most of my other middle school experiences have been crappy at lunch I play a game called "stumble guys" with my group of friends. The teachers are fine, they are pretty nice. The workload is not that bad. The only class we get homework is in math. My favorite class is p.e sometimes we do fun things. The only downside is workout wednesday. stuff like math and language arts is a little boring but it is not horrible. The library is pretty good and it has a decent selection. Though I would like a wider selection, the cafeteria is nice. recess is good, there is only basketball and volleyball outside but you get to play computer games inside. That is what I do every day. Overall, my experience with middle school is decent. There are a few things I want to change but it is okay.

Snow Day

Dude' perspective: Today it snowed in our cul de sac. At first I was angry because it was icy snow, but then I realized it was perfect for sledding. Then for the next hour me and my sister went sledding down the hill. Then we went inside for two hours then we went sledding for the next 2 hours we sledded with our friends. We were sledding down our massive hill. We were going so fast. We were sledding until 3:18 when I went inside because my hands felt like they were a couple degrees from frostbite, then about 30 minutes later my friends followed suit. Then we ate bagel bites until they left. Overall it was a great day. but I am hoping that it will snow better next time so we can have a massive snowball fight. until next time It snows I will just have to settle for planning.

Luca's perspective: Today it snowed/freezing rained. When I woke up I looked out the window and saw snow. At first I was disappointed because there didn't seem to be a lot, but then it kept raining and there was a lot of ice snow. The reason why I called it ice snow was because you could see each little particle. But the problem was that it didn't pack well. Say goodbye to snowballs and forts. But it was PERFECT for sledding. We used the neighbors hill because it was safe, big, fun, plus they always let us use it. Somehow I managed to make a dino out of the ice snow. The little neighbors wanted to help make it, but honestly I didn't want them to help, but it's really hard to say no to them. By around 3 o'clock I was ready to be done. So was everyone else. All in all, this was a pretty great snow day.

A few days later, thanks to Martin Luther King Day, and no change in our ice situation, we all made it outside to shovel our driveway, made fun ice art, and went sledding. The sledding was more slipping with reckless abandon than coordinated motion down a hill, but we all had a good, albeit terrifying experience.

Luca's ice designs.

Dude's ice sculpture.