It all started a few months ago when I bought some stocking stuffers at the mall and carelessly left them in the back of my car and the kids found them. Dude became very suspicious and asked too many questions which were ultimately deflected with "if you continue to ask questions, it will all be returned." They eventually got relocated to the top of my closet but were again found when he went searching for the Halloween candy I purchased for our trunk or treat. Questions were again asked and again deflected, this time with, "do you really want to ruin Christmas?"
After that episode Matthew and I started discussing how long children hold on to their belief in Santa Claus. We have never promoted Santa, but we have also not come out and told our children He's not real. Basically, we have promoted total neutrality on the subject and let our kids believe whatever they wanted. It's not that I'm anti-Santa, I'm mostly just lazy and don't want to go through all the extra work to encourage that belief system. I also have a fundamental hesitancy with lying to my children, even in the name of childhood magic. But no matter what I have done or not done, what they decided on between the two of them is that Santa brings what's in their stockings. Ok, by me. If they wanted to give Santa credit for goldfish crackers, candles, slime, and whatever else Matthew and I can find in Target a week or two before Christmas, I could handle that.
But with the attention drawn to already purchased stocking stuffers, I knew it was only a matter of time before it all unraveled. And then came my careless remark to my sister-in-law while driving to the pool. I mentioned that I had bought a tie for Dude and had asked Matthew if we should include it in his stocking. Somehow Luca wasn't paying attention (to engrossed playing with her 2-year old cousin), but Dude for sure was.
"Wait, what? Do you put everything in our stockings Mom?" he asked from the backseat of the car.
I thought about it for a moment and then decided on the truth, "yes."
"Mom, are you pulling my leg? Do you really put everything in our stockings?"
"yes"
Still not sure he completely believes me he tells me he will be paying very close attention this year.
When we got home I went to tell Matthew of our conversation in the car. Matthew was glad that I was the culprit and not him and commented that it was probably for the best. And then I heard Dude on the other side of the door, "I heard that!" Double whammy.
Dude was on the verge of tears for the rest of the night. I tried getting him to talk to me, but despite a quivering chin he was bound and determined to hold it together and not discuss it. Not with me, not with anyone. He's awful at keeping secrets but he managed to keep this one to himself.
The next morning I finally pulled him into my room where he confessed that the magic of Christmas was dead for him but that he couldn't ruin his sister's childhood the way I had ruined his. Honestly, as sad as I was for him at that moment, I was also incredibly proud of him. I'm not sure I've ever seem him act so compassionately toward his sister and they have a really good relationship.
The following week while his sister was at a playdate, I asked him if I had completely ruined Christmas for him. "No," he said, "just the stocking part." I was relieved, again, stockings are really low key items. I proceeded to tell him that now that he knows he gets to have input on what goes into his stocking. He immediately forgot all about being sad. I showed him the treat he already discovered twice (a set of 4 Harry Potter Lego brickheads) and let him pick out which ones he wanted in his stocking. He also requested specialty candy canes.
A week ago he was absolutely devastated. Now, there is not only no trace of heartbreak, I have found a new way to bond with my son. Every time he brings up Christmas and Santa to his sister, he does so with a conspiratorial wink to me. It is so funny and endearing. I love this sweet boy of mine.
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