Tuesday

Here we are in our matching tshirts loving being together for whatever time we had left.

Melissa and I were the first to leave in the early afternoon, but when we woke up we were notified that our flight was delayed by 2.5 hours which gave us just a bit more time to enjoy the island and our new best friends. I was so thankful we got to know early that it was delayed so we were waiting at the beach and not at the airport. 

I can't begin to describe what these women have meant to me. I fell in love quickly and deeply. Being with them filled my cup to overflowing and I have bonded with them for life. If they are planning a trip, I want to be there. The love and acceptance I felt from them in so short of time was truly divine and was far and away above anything I had planned for as I prepared for the trip. 

When Heather first came to me and asked me if I would go with her, there was no way I was going to say yes - way too expensive. It was Matthew who persuaded me to go, for Heather. And then God prepared a way financially for me to not feel quite so guilty about the expense. I was excited to go and have a week with my darling friend on a beautiful island. And then a few weeks before we were to leave, Heather informed me she wasn't going. I was surprised, even as she told me, that I felt like God still had a plan for me going, and Heather was simply the catalyst. These women alone were enough of a reason, but then God tutored me about Their love for me in a way I never expected.

I have always had a love/uncomfortable relationship with my patriarchal blessing. I have loved all the encouragement and tenderness, the trust and counsel provided. But I have also felt uncomfortable with the ways I am described that I have never seemed to live up to. I remember as a teenager especially, drowning in my own insecurities, but even as an adult reading my blessing, and thinking, this women sounds amazing and I want to be her, but she isn't me. 

At some point in the last three months, I have taken that discomfort and unease to the temple, hoping to gain some reassurance. I didn't get it. A week or so later, I got the distinct impression that while I might not see myself in that blessing version of me now, I have a Savior who is willing to partner with me to get me to her little by little as I work towards sanctifying myself through the enabling power of His Atoning sacrifice. 

I loved that answer, and I still do. But this trip gave me a glimpse of that woman in real life. Without the worries of responsibility; so steeped in doing things and being with women who bring me joy; I was the woman in my patriarchal blessing. And again, I got the distinct impression, now that you know what she's like, go be her all the time at home. Don't let your insecurities, or your perceived lack of time and energy keep you from being the woman I need you to be. You give me what you have to offer, and I will magnify whatever that is.

It was such a life changing experience that I wanted to make sure I wrote it down so I can come back to this year after year.

Thank you everyone for making this the most meaningful gift God has ever given me. Aloha Oe.

To top it off, I had an entire row all to myself for the whole flight home. So amazing.